Peer pressure is a part of our children’s lives. Whether it’s a peer challenging them to swing higher at the park, a group of teens encouraging them to drink, or a friend trying to persuade them to buy a certain item of clothing, they are regularly influenced by those around them in both positive and negative ways as they grow up. While this phenomenon is particularly pronounced in the preteen and teenage years, research shows that peer pressure is one of the main reasons why children engage in risky and unhealthy behaviors.
In a world now dominated by electronic devices, mobile applications, and other social networks, it takes on new and more persuasive forms, which are no longer limited to the real world. As a result, many parents are concerned about their children’s potential reactions to this pressure and wonder how best to protect and support them.
What is social pressure?
In this case, social pressure is a form of influence exerted on young people by people their age (or older), which generally involves persuading them to do something that they would probably not do in other circumstances. When it manifests itself in a digital space such as a social network, a video game, or a group discussion on a communication application, we can speak of “online social pressure”.
Often seen as negative, social pressure can also be positive: it encourages or leads children to adopt healthy behavior and make reasonable decisions – joining a club, participating in a school project, or quitting smoking, for example.
However, its harmful potential remains high. Dangerous “challenges,” comparing oneself on social networks, sharing photos and group chats constantly expose children and adolescents to intense social pressure.
How does social pressure affect children online?
Not a week goes by without one of my child, adolescent, or young adult patients telling me that they either felt pressured to do something they didn’t want to do (or knew was inappropriate) or that they observed someone else doing it. The influence and pressure that children feel in their environment—including the tendency to compare themselves to others on social media every time they scroll through their news feed—can leave them feeling stressed, anxious, depressed, or overwhelmed.
Online pressure is particularly difficult for them because it does not disappear when they leave school or are physically away from others. Sometimes it is constantly present on the Internet, and often gives the impression that there is no escape. This feeling of being trapped can lead to the development of serious mental disorders or dangerous behaviors.
How does social media contribute to social pressure?
All users of social networks feel more or less obliged to conform to the appearance and actions of others, to buy the same things as them, and to behave similarly. This type of social comparison is inherent in these platforms, affecting both adults and children. Unlike the former, the latter, however, has not yet reached a level of maturity and brain development sufficient to clearly understand the situation and reflect on it objectively.
They are much more susceptible to peer pressure, especially in their pre-teens and teens. This is a normal part of their development, as they try to get along with their peers and seek some form of independence from adults. This makes them particularly vulnerable to the negative impacts of peer pressure on social media, whether it’s images seen on Instagram, snaps shared on Snapchat, videos watched on TikTok or private messages received on any of these platforms.
In its 2024 annual report, Qustodio highlights that children spend more time on social media than on other online platforms every day. It is therefore all the more important to be aware of the effects it can have on them.
Online challenges and social pressure
Because young people, especially teenagers, are in a developmental period when their peers have a significant influence on their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, challenges that go viral online can put them at risk. Some of these challenges—creating a fun choreography, for example—are completely safe and can even be a good way to feel included.
However, others can have serious or even fatal consequences. Here are some examples recently reported in the media:
- ingesting excessive amounts of weight loss medication
- eat inedible objects
- hold your breath
- cooking with over-the-counter drugs
It can be difficult for adults to understand why these challenges are so appealing to children and why even those who seem responsible engage in risky behavior.
However, everything becomes clear when we know that the prefrontal cortex of children’s brains is not yet fully formed, which prevents them from thinking carefully and evaluating the consequences of their actions, especially when they are subjected to a form of social pressure.
How to help your children manage social pressure online?
As is always the case in the virtual world, the best way to support and protect children is to know what they are watching and doing, while maintaining constant communication with them.
Parents who are aware of online social pressure can educate themselves about the type of content their children are likely to be exposed to, set reasonable limits, and encourage open and honest dialogue with them to help them manage this pressure in healthier ways.
Here are some tips to help your children manage social pressure online:
1. Talk to your children about social pressure
Explain to them that everyone feels it at times (including adults). Listen to their experiences of it, in the schoolyard or on the web, with curiosity rather than an accusatory or humiliating attitude.
2. Talk about your own experiences
Tell your kids what peer pressure was like when you were their age to build trust. If you hear about an online challenge or other form of peer pressure online, talk to them about it and ask them what they think. This will open the dialogue and show them that you are aware of the situation and want to support them.
3. Encourage your children to take regular breaks from social media
Your kids may need your help taking breaks from social media and other digital platforms to process what they’re seeing and think about how to respond to it. Explain to them that it’s easy to forget about everything else, especially online, and that taking a step back can help them see the bigger picture.
4. Make sure your children know who to contact
If your children are feeling peer pressure online or offline, they will need someone to turn to for support. This could be you as a parent, a teacher, a family member, or another trusted person. Make it clear to them that they will not get into trouble for sharing what is happening with you and that your goal is to help them work through their problem and stay safe.
5. Set reasonable, age-appropriate limits and expectations regarding device use and ensure they are respected
It’s about determining when your children are allowed to use certain apps and making sure they can think clearly and make an appropriate decision to protect themselves from the dangers of the Internet.
I also recommend a general rule for all children and adolescents: it is forbidden to use devices in their bedrooms at night. This allows them to completely cut themselves off from any form of pressure related to the Internet while they rest. In addition, they are less exposed to the pressures and dangers that await them in the total absence of supervision. I recommend above all the use of a tool such as Qustodio to set reasonable limits more easily and effectively. It is also an essential element in supporting children in the face of problems such as social pressure online.
